47 Years After Nam

USS Okinawa: BLT 1/3 August 1967 (click pic to enlarge)

47 Years

  

August 1 will be 47 years since I left active duty in the Marine Corps. I still think about Vietnam every single day. When I was in Vietnam I never thought it would be with me this far down the line.  I didn’t even know there would be  a “this far down the line.” I really did expect to die there.

   

There is a country road that goes past one particular field about a mile from my house. I pass many fields all the time, but this one puts me right back into Vietnam. 

   

The field looks like a rice paddy, especially when it rains. About a  hundred yards away across the field are several structures that look like hootchs in a jungle village tucked within a tree line.  Near the road is a long ditch like a fighting hole.

  

I can see Marines in fighting holes along the ditch, waiting for dark. And then I’m back there.  It doesn’t look exactly like Vietnam, but close enough to bring everything back again, and it’s not a positive thing. I had spent too many nights sitting in the dark waiting.

   

The next day my wife asked me if I was in a bad mood. I wasn’t in a bad mood but I was having trouble dealing with that damn war again. I just don’t understand why I can’t let it go. I’ve been through about every form of treatment the VA has to offer, and nothing seems to change.

   

I go back to the war every single day, and it’s horrible. The only time I really feel comfortable is when I’m with other combat vets or close relatives, or isolated at home with my wife. I love singing and performing, and when I do that, I  can escape for a few moments and be a performer. Then, no one can see the side of me that deals with PTSD each day.

   

Survival guilt is part of it, and feeling as if I didn’t do enough is another part. The fear of being ambushed if I fall asleep is still another part of it. Maybe my lack of empathy for the enemy is another part. While I was with 1/3, being responsible for the lives of enemy prisoners in the field is another part.

   

It was hard enough dragging my own body through Nam without having to keep some VC or NVA alive long enough to get them to the rear so they could be interrogated again. I participated in field interrogations, what today would be called torture. I felt nothing for them as humans, and I still don’t. Getting any information that would save Marines was our job, and some of the enemy were real hardcore. I would do it all again.

   

Even this far down the line, if I went back to Vietnam, I would want to start shooting.  I’ve never wanted to go back to that country.

   

I think some veterans believe they can find peace by returning to the war zone. I don’t believe it. Things always seem smaller and out of proportion when you visit some place that was a big part of your life at one time, and it’s never the same.

   

I’m still a Marine inside, with survival skills, wondering how all the time went by so fast.  Sometimes, a sight or sound will send me back. I hate it, but this is my life now. The person I was before Vietnam is gone forever.

Dealing With A Shaky Service Organization NSO

B Company 7th Motors 1968 Vietnam I Corps

Dealing With  A Shaky 

Service Organization NSO

    I hear complaints almost every time I talk to a vet about how the service organization officers in charge of their cases are never in or never call them back. I don’t know why this is happening. Maybe the service officers have too many claims. Maybe they don’t know what they’re doing or know the CFR or VA law. Maybe they just don’t care and are just concerned with having a job. It could be all of the above in many cases. There are many dedicated NSO (National Service Officer) personnel from the service organizations and state and county vet reps who will try to help all they can.

Here are some tips when dealing with a shaky service organization NSO.

   1. Don’t let them tell you that you can’t open a claim.

  You can open a claim at any time if you feel you have a condition that may be eligible for service connection. They may talk about "frivolous" claims, meaning a claim that has no merit or is not based on logic and is sure to be turned down. I once met a guy who was service-connected because he twisted his knee while playing touch football outside his barracks in Hawaii. I met another who was 30% service-connected for compulsive gambling.

  So don’t let a service officer make you feel guilty or try to discourage you from filing the claim if you were injured in the service.

  2. Don’t let them tell you that you should happy with what the VA gave you and you shouldn’t put in for an increase if your condition gets worse.

  Any service officer who tells you that should be fired because they just don’t want to do their job. They are there to represent you and they should not be advocates for the VA or tell you that you should be grateful that the VA gave you anything.

  3. For PTSD, don’t let them tell you that the VA will take your percentage away or decrease it, if you reopen the claim for an increase.

  This is not true. Once you are service-connected for PTSD, your percentage is likely to only go up and not down. There is no cure for PTSD, and though, you may improve on a temporary basis, PTSD does not go away. This is a scare tactic to stop you from re-opening the claim for whatever reason the service officer may have for not wanting to help you. It’s not your fault they have a big caseload, or that they just don’t want to take the time to work on your claim. You shouldn’t be punished for it.

  4. If your service officer won’t take your phone calls or never calls you back, leave a message that you are going to call their national headquarters to file a complaint and to get the claim service you need.

  The service officer will usually call you back in a timely manner after you leave this message. They don’t want you contacting their main office to complain about them. This could lead to an investigation of their work habits. They don’t want that to happen. 

  5. The Bottom Line

  The service organizations are there to help you, the veteran. Their rent and office space is paid for by the government so they can help you. It should not be the other way around, with the service organization favoring the VA when it comes to veteran claims. When filing a claim, always ask to deal with a National Service Officer (NSO). They are supposed to be trained in the law and know what they are doing.

  You should never have to feel guilty for being injured in the service and then requesting the help or care you need.

Non-Profit/ Profit VA (Really Bad Idea)

The VA IS For Veterans Not For Some Corporation

The VA should not be privatized, non-profit or not, because it will become even more top heavy with salaried manager and managers to managers, etc. The VA is one of the biggest landowners in the United States, and for years there has been a move to make it a for profit corporation, and it would be that way under a non-profit.

  Just look at some of the big charities and see how much their top leaders make. And if it becomes a non-profit and government chartered, then it will have to serve anyone who walks in, including illegals. Then the VA land and hospitals will suddenly disappear as they are sold off.

  To me this is just a move to take over the VA and dismantle it. We fight the wars and now they don't really want to take care of us when they are finished with us. I agree that if the VA can't perform a certain procedure, it should be sent out for the service. This is nothing new. The VA has been doing it for years.

  The main focus of the VA should always be the veteran, and mainly the disabled veteran. No one, and I mean no one, should be allowed to take the VA away from the veterans. So from my viewpoint, and this is the same movement that was tried back in the 80's, this is an attempt to gain control of the VA by outside forces, for profit and socialized serve anyone who walks in hospitals medicine.

  Do you think the former CEO of P&G was put in charge by chance? He's a corporate man, put there to find ways to make the VA a for profit corporation.

  The non-profit organization Concerned Veterans for America has sponsored a study entitled "Fixing Veterans Health Care."

  The report advocates radical changes in the medical system for veterans, including a choice to receive subsidized private care and conversion of the Veterans Administration into a non-profit corporation rather than a government agency.

  More Veterans should be able to choose where to get their health care. Based on eligibility, veterans should have the option to take their earned health care funds and use them to access care at the VA or in the voluntary (civilian) health care system.

  Because private health care is somewhat costlier than VHA-based care, most veterans who choose this option will be expected to share in some of the costs of such care, through co-pays and deductibles.

  Don't anyone go along with any attempts to take the VA away from the veterans. Never. It’s all we have and now the private sector wants it.